I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
