So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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