Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
