ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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