Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
