did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
