Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
