He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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