i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
