eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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