just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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