eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
