Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
