I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
