He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
