it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
