I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
