Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
