So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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