yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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