So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
