I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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