I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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