Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
How does one acquire holy water?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
