In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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