you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Barsexuality is the new black.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
