I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
