i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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