i just had sex bonerless
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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