Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
