Betty ford says i'm here all night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
