Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
