apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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