Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
