I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
