Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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