I heard we made out
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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