Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
