hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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