apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
my poor anus
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
