I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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