Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
