I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she told me i tasted like america
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
