Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
