I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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