I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
