Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
why is half of my head shaved?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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