Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
