Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
