I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can I color on your dick again?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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